Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Send help, water and tortillas.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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