Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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