how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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