Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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