I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
