and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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