Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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