My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
