K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Its about making memories worth repressing
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
