No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
A+ Viking dick
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