one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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