soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
