'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
