Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
