We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
