I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
