Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
