and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
