I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
