I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
