There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
