I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
