Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
