Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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