Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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