so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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