and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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