so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
