he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
