we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
