dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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