she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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