No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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