We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
