Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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