Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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