Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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