it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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