Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
