I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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