There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
