You're so nebulous sometimes
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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