Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
