now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
