I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
