im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
