I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Randomize
