Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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