Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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