you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize