Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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