The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
