if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh god the rape fog is back!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
