Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
