take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
