He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
