her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
