Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
