I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My cat gives me a boner
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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