woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
