I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
