ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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