There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
