that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
