nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
should my penis look like a turkey
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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