And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
