I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
