I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize