my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
