New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
