The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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