Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
