his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
