and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
