Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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