i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
