I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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