Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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