We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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